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11:49

First Date. Last Date.

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urlilgoddess@urlilgoddess
AUDIO ONLY. Wait. Is that it?

First Date, Last Date is a real date that goes very wrong for you. We walk back to your place, I am giddy and into you, my hand is on your thigh on your couch, we are making out, and then I pull your pants down and burst out laughing. The mocking gets specific. My pinky wins. Your little dick gets hard from it, and I notice, and it gets meaner, all the way through a jerk off countdown to the finish. Then I order my ride.

Small dicks get measured against my pinky, out loud.
Laughing humiliation guys get the laugh, and then more of it.
JOI guys get stroked through a date that already ended.
Men who get hard when they get mocked get caught doing it.

An Urlilgooness SPH audio played live, a first date that turns cruel in your own living room, explicit and very specific.

Thanks for tonight. My ride is here.
AUDIO ONLY. Wait. Is that it?

First Date, Last Date is a real date that goes very wrong for you. We walk back to your place, I am giddy and into you, my hand is on your thigh on your couch, we are making out, and then I pull your pants down and burst out laughing. The mocking gets specific. My pinky wins. Your little dick gets hard from it, and I notice, and it gets meaner, all the way through a jerk off countdown to the finish. Then I order my ride.

Small dicks get measured against my pinky, out loud.
Laughing humiliation guys get the laugh, and then more of it.
JOI guys get stroked through a date that already ended.
Men who get hard when they get mocked get caught doing it.

An Urlilgooness SPH audio played live, a first date that turns cruel in your own living room, explicit and very specific.

Thanks for tonight. My ride is here.
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30:10

No Homo: The Album

Are you a totally straight guy who just really, really loves his bros? Then I made you an entire album about it. Ten bro anthems, thirty minutes long, about the kind of straight that keeps needing a spotter, a shared bed and a little extra help. Hazy late night cloud rap, a gym banger, a breakup ballad about your best friend, a country tailgate jam, and every single song swears it's no homo right up until it isn't. This one is for the bi curious goon bud who keeps sitting a little closer on the couch. For the closeted frat bro in the matching hoodie. For the gym regular whose spotter holds on a little too long. And for that one friend who is DEFINITELY straight, who will play this on repeat and swear it's ironic. An Urlilgooness encouraged bi comedy album: explicit, catchy, and stuck in your head by the third track. Not sold in stores. Sing along and see how long you stay straight.

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06:00

Locktober Day 2: Morning Strain

AUDIO ONLY. Play this the second you wake up. Before your phone. Before anything. Day two of Locktober, and your cock woke up before you did. I'm sitting on the edge of your bed in one of your t shirts, the sun coming through your blinds, watching you find out what mornings are now. You lie flat on your back and count every throb against the cage on a two minute timer while I keep you company. That number is the first line of your strain chart, and you'll be writing one every morning this month. Then cold water, a ruler and a photo, because this month we're measuring something, and you won't like which way it goes. Warm, teasing, and very close. The kind of good morning you'll start hearing in your head before your alarm even goes off. A new Urlilgooness Locktober audio drops every day this month. Good morning. Don't touch it.

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07:18

Locktober Day 1: Ice Key

AUDIO ONLY. October first. Your key goes in the ice. Locktober starts here, and for all thirty one days I am your keyholder. Day one is the lock up. I walk you through it in your own bathroom: cold water, the ring, the tube, the click. Then your key goes somewhere you can't reach on impulse, a cup of water at the back of your freezer. Then you find out what the cage is for, while I'm on my bed in black lace and you're standing in your kitchen leaking against plastic. Before you go, you record a promise in your own voice. Keep it. You'll hear it again on the last night, and by then you won't recognize the man who said it. If you've never worn a cage, I walk you through every step of the fit. If you've worn one for years, you've never had a keyholder put your key on ice. Either way, you're not cumming in October. A new Urlilgooness Locktober audio drops every day this month, real sound and my voice in your ear while you do it. Day one. Thirty to go.