August 25, 2025 03:26 PM
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Mommy Superior
Mistress of the First Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Tribute
Forgive me, Mommy, for I have sinned.
Clearly...
That's why I left the confessional unlocked. 😈
Welcome to My church, where virtue is negotiable, temptation is encouraged, and guilt is strictly optional.
Keeper of secrets. Dispenser of penance. Proud owner of several vows I have absolutely no intention of keeping.
Here, we practice the oldest sacrament of all: tribute. god works in mysterious ways. I accept Visa.
Subscribers receive sermons, daily commandments, emergency prayer services about My credit limit, and the ongoing saga of the Jacuzzi Fund. Confessions, indulgences, blessings and decrees are on the Holy Menu, right below.
THE HOLY MENU
Confess your order in My messages. Nothing gets forgiven until it's paid for.
1. Confession · 15 USD · 3 days
Tell Me what you did. I'll judge it in writing and assign your penance.
2. Audio Confession · 35 USD · 7 days
The same confession, but you hear My verdict: a 60 to 90 second voice note, just for you.
3. Indulgence · 20 USD · 3 days
Name one sin. Receive an official certificate forgiving it. Signed and kissed.
4. Written Blessing or Prayer · 15 USD · 3 days
For you, or for a friend who needs it more than they realize. Tell Me the situation and I'll take it up with management.
5. Recorded Blessing or Prayer · 40 USD · 7 days
The same, in My voice. Perfect for sending to someone who deserves it.
6. Seed Offering · any tip
Your seed will be planted with ceremony and will grow into absolutely nothing.
7. Building Fund Offering · any tip
Credited to Mommy Superior's Emergency Jacuzzi Fund.
8. Custom Sermon · 125 USD · 10 days
A 2 to 3 minute video sermon on the topic of your choice, for you or for a friend who needs an intervention. First names only. I may decline any request.
9. Executive Vice President of Heaven · 250 USD · 14 days · 4 per month
Your appointment video, a certificate, your own department of Heaven, and one commandment you propose. I approve it, or I improve it.
