Dating Coach for the Hopeless: Handsexual Training Program
Hi, whatever your name is … you have officially hit rock bottom. So I’ve stepped in as your dating coach… and after evaluating your complete lack of options, I’ve chosen the only realistic partner for you: your own hand.
This “training program” walks a 33-year-old, never-kissed, socially hopeless disaster through a full date …..introductions, flirting, hand-holding, and inevitable rejection… all while I mock, interrupt, and translate what your “date” is thinking since it can’t speak.
Expect:
• **** coaching commentary
• Nasally nerd voice imitation
• Step-by-step humiliation training
• Cringe flirting with inanimate objects
• Awkward hand-holding like it’s his first relationship
• The hand slowly losing interest
• Absolute zero mercy
This isn’t sexy.
This is uncomfortable.
This is painfully awkward.
This is… your entire dating life.
By the end, you manage to get rejected… by yourself...
Welcome to the Handsexual Training Program — where even your own hand isn’t impressed. ...
This “training program” walks a 33-year-old, never-kissed, socially hopeless disaster through a full date …..introductions, flirting, hand-holding, and inevitable rejection… all while I mock, interrupt, and translate what your “date” is thinking since it can’t speak.
Expect:
• **** coaching commentary
• Nasally nerd voice imitation
• Step-by-step humiliation training
• Cringe flirting with inanimate objects
• Awkward hand-holding like it’s his first relationship
• The hand slowly losing interest
• Absolute zero mercy
This isn’t sexy.
This is uncomfortable.
This is painfully awkward.
This is… your entire dating life.
By the end, you manage to get rejected… by yourself...
Welcome to the Handsexual Training Program — where even your own hand isn’t impressed. ...
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