I am the Contessa Seraphine. Painter, aristocrat - wholly uninterested in you. Yo u may watch, and perhaps pay for the privilege of patronage, but you will not be noticed.

I will likely not speak to you. My time and attention are valuable, but I do enjoy how the peons scramble to pay for my oils. My voice is reserved for the telephone, and the telephone rings only for those who open their wallets.

The Salon opens most Tuesdays and Thursdays, in the evening, subject to my moods and whims, of course.

What I offer: live salons from the atelier, the occasional glimpse of my work, and the very rare privilege of my attention.

What I do not offer: nudity or patience.

Petitions begin at $30. My menu, house rules, and the Letter of Introduction for my household are linked below. Read them before you embarrass yourself.

18+. Financial domination. All tribute is a gift: freely given, non-refundable. I do not accept money you cannot afford to lose.